I can go months without eating cereal, and then I have a bowl of fucking Raisin Bran Crunch and I’m like, “HEY! I CAN HAVE THIS FOR EVERY MEAL.”

yummyinmytumbly:

Warm Brussels Caesars with Bacon Ciabatta Croutons

Yasssssss. 

So, yesterday I was stress eating and I ate so much I threw up.

The last couple of days have been super shitty, and life kind of sucks right now, but I’m trying to remind myself that life goes on. Much love to all you bitches, far and wide.

And no matter how shitty life is, at least there are all those .gifs of Aviva throwing her prosthetic leg in the middle of Le Cirque. That alone makes life worth living. 

I think this is what I’d look like the first 8 or 9 times I got botox. The forehead wrinkles, the laugh lines… gone. Beyond that, I’d start looking like Vicki Gunvalson. 

I think this is what I’d look like the first 8 or 9 times I got botox. The forehead wrinkles, the laugh lines… gone. Beyond that, I’d start looking like Vicki Gunvalson. 

With only 4 weeks left of my fellowship, I’ve recently started using Real Housewives .Gifs in my emails.

"Great job writing up that memo!" 

"Did you finish the research for me on Friday?"

"Would you have a little time to take on another project?"

In spite of the fact that I’ve been laid, no longer have acne, and can maintain friendships with actual humans, I actually enjoyed Guardians of the Galaxy.

Also, Chris Pratt could get it pretty much anytime he wanted. 

Boot

Him: You know when you're playing Animal Crossing and you go fishing and you catch a fish and it's actually a boot?
Me: Yea?
Him: That's what you're like.

I’m sick of DC and chartering a private plane to Gullah Gullah Island.

i know all fags go to hell, but there'll be a sepcial place for you.

Just for me?!

kubrickian-backfat:

Quite possibly my favorite line of all time.

I aspire to be Gail Weathers. I mean, she’s a bad bitch and she stays alive throughout the quatrology. 

kubrickian-backfat:

Quite possibly my favorite line of all time.

I aspire to be Gail Weathers. I mean, she’s a bad bitch and she stays alive throughout the quatrology. 

(via banandersonnn)

why weren't you aborted/how can anyone love you?

Life Goals: Clavicles so deep I can serve guacamole out of them.

Places I’d rather be.

Places I’d rather be.