me: fuck i feel fat.
*cuts an extra large piece of cake*

My favorite thing to do is check the #howgay tag to see all the folks taking pics of themselves and being all “how gay!” as if this is 2008 and they missed that whole Hilary Duff PSA which, let’s be honest, touched all of us.

Like: 

image

What’s so gay about this, girls? Unless they’re lesbians. But I’m feeling like that’s unlikely. 

And this: 

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That looks strictly heterosexual here, if I’m not mistaken. 

Or this: 

WTF is gay about this? Apples? 

itsmicca:

If you’re gay, and your blog is gay, reblog this so I can follow the shit out of you.

ITS IN MY NAME

(via beastcootie)

You really are an ugly fuck. Drop dead

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I’m in a perpetual state of charging my iPad, iPhone, and MacBook because each of their respective batteries have gone to shit.

None of them are ever left plugged in long enough to reach full capacity. I’m currently laying on the couch in the living room with not a computer charger in sight. The MacBook is on 26% battery and I’ve got both my iPhone and iPad plugged in, and I’m basically allowing the two smaller devices to feed off the much larger, much older device. This is like American Horror Story: iCoven. 

Only on tumblr will a porn blog give its condolences for your recently departed loved one.

Why do y’all follow my bullshit blog?

You were an ugly troll then, not much has changed. Eat shit. Just kidding, I just like saying hateful things behind a guise and a computer monitor to make myself feel better.

Damn, dude. Who shit in your Wheaties this morning?

Y’all. I think I’m gonna be bringing this look back. Those socks with those white shorts? Classic.
ETA: I could kill my mother for that atrocious t-shirt. 

Y’all. I think I’m gonna be bringing this look back. Those socks with those white shorts? Classic.

ETA: I could kill my mother for that atrocious t-shirt. 

So apparently when someone close to you dies, everyone’s diets fall by the wayside and you live off of shitty (see: delicious) takeout and Entemann’s cakes until it’s over.

I’m gonna be Rob Kardashian by the time I leave here on Sunday. 

So, I’m in NY for the next week because my grandmother passed away on Saturday. I was very close to her (some might even say I was her favorite grandchild), so it’s been pretty tough. I’m going to miss her terribly. 
That said, my grandmother had six children who have great difficulty in getting along, and there’s likely going to be quite a bit of drama at the the wake and funeral. I went out this afternoon and bought myself a pair of dark sunglasses so that I can covertly stare at family members I haven’t seen in ages and who don’t much care for me (because I was the favorite). I’ll keep everyone updated on whether there is a blowout akin to RHoNJ’s Great Baptism Fiasco of 2011. 

So, I’m in NY for the next week because my grandmother passed away on Saturday. I was very close to her (some might even say I was her favorite grandchild), so it’s been pretty tough. I’m going to miss her terribly. 

That said, my grandmother had six children who have great difficulty in getting along, and there’s likely going to be quite a bit of drama at the the wake and funeral. I went out this afternoon and bought myself a pair of dark sunglasses so that I can covertly stare at family members I haven’t seen in ages and who don’t much care for me (because I was the favorite). I’ll keep everyone updated on whether there is a blowout akin to RHoNJ’s Great Baptism Fiasco of 2011. 

I can go months without eating cereal, and then I have a bowl of fucking Raisin Bran Crunch and I’m like, “HEY! I CAN HAVE THIS FOR EVERY MEAL.”

yummyinmytumbly:

Warm Brussels Caesars with Bacon Ciabatta Croutons

Yasssssss. 

So, yesterday I was stress eating and I ate so much I threw up.

The last couple of days have been super shitty, and life kind of sucks right now, but I’m trying to remind myself that life goes on. Much love to all you bitches, far and wide.

And no matter how shitty life is, at least there are all those .gifs of Aviva throwing her prosthetic leg in the middle of Le Cirque. That alone makes life worth living.