How Gay.

Tell me how smart I am and how excited you are for me. 

I’m tired, rundown, listless. 

I haven’t gone grocery shopping in about 3 weeks and Chad and I are sustaining ourselves on a gigantic bag of veggie straws and Diet Cokes and Lean Cuisines. I never knew being a housewife could be so difficult (the women of Beverly Hills make it all seem so glamorous), but consider me over it. 

It was a Constitutional Law exam, ya’ll. 

That’s not entirely true; I’ve convinced myself that I’m a heavy set black woman from 1979 whose rich LA parents bought her a pop music “career,” but I’m still worried about finals.

Boom goes the immigration law dynamite!

OMG. Guess what ya’ll! Since it’s not enough to be bogged down with copious amounts or reading, to be writing an appellate brief, and to be stressing over finding an internship, my school has decided that the best time to conduct our Write-On competition is during our week-long Spring break! For the uninitiated, let me explain what exactly Write-On is.

Write-On is a miserable process in which the 1L class attempts to write a 2000 word case note, complete w/ proper (and confusing) citation, from a 400 page packet provided by the student-run journals on campus. Earning a spot on one of the five journals is important because there are no jobs in the legal profession, and so we’re all told that, while totally “optional,” we should all be killing ourselves to “Write-On” because it looks terrific on our resumes. Shoot me.

I should note that there’s also “Grade-On,” which allows students that have academically overachieved to earn a place on one of the journals, but I should also note that the day that I “Grade-On” will be a bitter cold day in Hell (because my grades won’t suffice). 

In summation, folks, I am miserable. Who’s willing to put me out of my misery? 

• I think Swiper may have been molested as a child. There’s something in his past that must contribute to this manic kleptomania. 
• Could you imagine living in a place where you needed to repeat yourself 15 times before you actually got what you wanted?
• I don’t speak Spanish (I’m a terrible Latino, I know), but I like to sing along with the theme song and make up my own words. Lots of offensive stuff about tacos and sombreros. (I’m allowed, I’m a Latino.)