We just bought that Chromecast thing that puts your laptop screen on your TV.

And like, I feel like I’m in a whole new world. Like, watching porn on a 42” television is literally eye opening. I am convinced that this is what our forefathers died for… this kind of freedom. 

All you 20-year olds living at home and watching porn on your laptops, earbuds in? 

Teresa! Have you been watching Orange Is The New Black?!
A reporter who majored in journalism, but also minored in throwing shade.

I have an Evidence exam tomorrow and the only way I could pass is if I blew the professor.

But, twist: the professor is a woman

Update! It’s not until Wednesday! Stay of execution. 

Uh? They’re barking up the wrong tree.

Uh? They’re barking up the wrong tree.

My New Reality

Classmate: *tiny cough*
Me: EBOLA!

So, I just creamed my jeans.

So, I just creamed my jeans.

Lucky Day?

So, like, I never win anything, but I just won a $200 Visa gift card at this Kaplan Bar Prep meeting. And like, I obviously wasn’t expecting it because, again, I never win anything, but there were only 15 people there and so my odds were greater than my normally shitty luck. Moreover, this bitch, Brit, was there, and her father is already a well paid attorney, but she left before the raffle was drawn, and her name was called and everyone was like, “SCREW HER! PULL ANOTHER NAME,” and then my name was called. So like, it’s even sweeter because I basically took her prize? Moral of story: I can be a bitter person even when winning things.

Does bleach smell like cum, or does cum smell like bleach?

And don’t even get me started on those trees.

you kinda look like that asshole from drake and josh

I can see it.

My general feeling on this and all the days. Sometimes I feel like I wish this part of my life was over so I could get to the job and the money and the feeling of security, but maybe I should just enjoy the ride and stop being a little bitch.

My general feeling on this and all the days. Sometimes I feel like I wish this part of my life was over so I could get to the job and the money and the feeling of security, but maybe I should just enjoy the ride and stop being a little bitch.

My reaction to NPH hosting the Oscars:

Things that are real:

The thirst
The struggle
The boogeyman
Iggy (the realest)

I’m almost positive this is pretty much how I graduated high school, got into undergrad, graduated, and then got into law school. Just a number of mistakes that somehow canceled each other out. 

I’m almost positive this is pretty much how I graduated high school, got into undergrad, graduated, and then got into law school. Just a number of mistakes that somehow canceled each other out. 

(Source: stormiin-mormon, via mandals)

A giant brown spider was hanging from the breezeway between my kitchen and my living room. I was trapped in my favorite room in the house. :(

Never have I felt so violated. The kitchen is supposed to be a happy place; where all the magic happens. I just stood there, biding my time, looking for something to smush him with. I couldn’t find anything besides a frying pan, which wasn’t going to work. Finally, I found bleach in a spray bottle and went to town. He tried to rush me, but I finished him off with a paper towel.

Sometimes I’m almost not too ugly to live. Almost!

Sometimes I’m almost not too ugly to live. Almost!